MUSHROOM MUSHROOM!

need to do laundry.

bleh.

4 more papers and two more tests

and then 10 days and i'll be in espana.

estoy muy nerviosa.

make it sttooooopppp

and there's no blame

for how our love did slowly fade.

and now that it's gone

it's like it wasn't there at all...

someday closure will come

slipping silently under the door

infecting the air,

opening my lungs.

exhaling all the bitterness

the resentment.

manipulation does strange things to people.

convincing them to waste years

and years

and years

of their lives...

i hated you

and stayed.

i loved him

and left.

what does that even mean?

maybe clarity will come will closure.

i'll hold my breath till then.

and now i rest where disappointment and regret collide...

lying awake at night.

looks like i'll be playing this game till i lose.

going down fighting.

all my chips in one basket.

out with a bang.

taking you with me.

instigator alligator

instigator alligator

you know what?

I don't like snow.

at all.

fcuk you, rest of the nation.

picking on texas because we're "not prepared for bad weather" during your precious super bowl

you know why we're not prepared?

CAUSE WE DON'T HAVE BAD WEATHER

it's TEXAS.

this past week is just proof of that climate change y'all have been ignoring.

ps fcuk all major league sports.

what a waste of money.

death at a funeral + pizza sammiches.

porch couch. 7am.

finals.

crash? shot down.

vodka.

empty house.

she shoots. she scores.

"hey, guys.... how's it going?"

mononoke. dr. horrible.

3 days. meh. close enough.

"oh no. she says she's 'neutral' towards you."

A Tx pit stop.

something's missing.

expiration date.

too late. too stubborn.

start over.

mess up.

make cake.

and when you dance with me...

here's the thing:

I don't know what I'm doing.

at all.

I'm not looking for anything.

and wasn't to begin with.

serious business just sounds so exhausting.

done with that scene entirely.

frankly, he's a hard one to match.

and I'm just so jaded at the thought of expending effort.

it's selfish.

but you know I am.

I've been nothing but honest and upfront.

and you don't want me really.

I'm convenient.

here.

but that's just it, isn't it?

we are just physically here.

in this time/place.

there is literally nothing else.

no strings to tie/bind.

so the question really must be:

what are you doing?

or

how long can we pretend?

but like you said:

anything's better than being alone.

are you sure about that?

better than silence and no school.

no curfew and no rules.

I was the last thing you expected

to become part of your life...

i like where you sleep

when you sleep next to me.

you are the one

the one that lies close to me.

i'm my own worst enemy.

i have a penchant

for fucking things up.

keeping people at a distance.

from getting too close.

from getting honestly involved.

and how i hate the distance once it opens

and how desperate i become to close that gap.

pushing/pulling.

ocean mantra drowns me.

why you don't run screaming for the hills

i'll never understand.

you must be your own worst enemy too.

no place else i could be but here in your arms

I got you on my lips

trying to pull my life together,

but somehow pieces have fallen beyond my reach.

gotta find something to fill in the gaping holes.

At the foot of the stairs

with my fingers in your hair

Baby, this is it.

I like the face you make and when you dance with me.
I like the rules you break and when you dance with me.

you won.

but I was never interested in playing to win,

especially where others are involved.

it's been fun.

It’s cause you make me smile